❝Mother, why do you hate me?❞
❝I hate you ...because if I didn't, I'd love you. But love—love is weakness.❞




❝ And I'll never be weak again.❞

Or... Oops. Congrats Rowena, you played yourself!

Let me know what you think :D

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Short mini-essay:
(feel free to skip)

This video is based around Rowena and Crowley’s relationship, but Rowena is the main pov character in the narrative here. In the vid, I try to show the tragedy of Rowena.

Rowena spent almost her entire life—over 300 years—forcibly keeping everyone that might mean something to her at arm's length, having deemed love as weakness and resolving to “never be weak again”. She made herself hate her only child because she knew if she didn't hate him, she'd love him. She was a horrible mother with a toxic and dysfunctional relationship with her son, with the two of them even trying to murder each other multiple times.

And then, in a situation wholly unrelated to her, her son died. And despite everything, despite all her efforts to hate him, she deeply mourned him. It was an unexpected reaction she was wholly unprepared for, it left her emotional, vulnerable, everything she'd never wanted to be. Her son was dead, and it rattled her; she was overcome with the deep-rooted knowledge that it wasn't fair and that her son had deserved better from her. She goes to extremes to try to fix it, to bring him back to life, but some things can't be fixed and she's left collapsed on the floor in tears and overcome with endless pain and guilt.

For all her attempts not to love him, she did, but by the time she realised it, it was too late. And she suffered all the pain and weakness she'd run from anyway.

And there's no happy ending to this. To her credit, this rattles her and makes her change her priorities in life, makes her better herself. But she'll never be able to make it right with her son. She's forced to live with all her pain and guilt and know she's lost the change to ever fix it. It's a damn tragedy of her own making. She did this to herself and now she'll be forced to suffer the costs for the rest of eternity.

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Fandom: Supernatural
Song:    • Rise ~ John Dreamer  
Colouring: @keephopexalivetutorials7012
Follow me on tumblr: Whogirl42.tumblr.com


#fanvidfeed #supernatural #spn
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