This is hard for me too. I don't offer my answer with a calloused heart or without considering how difficult it really is. But, I hope that in my own limited attempt to offer help you will find some wisdom and hopefulness. My answer will probably fall short but I am really just saying "wait" because the full revelation of the glory and goodness of God will answer this for you in due time.

My website https://BibleThinker.org