You may have realized that you feel free when you rehearse at home; but as soon as you act in front of the audience, you stop listening. Instead, you start controlling and pushing your performance and your instrument closes down and shrinks. In other words, you do not feel free.

Of course, this can be a painful experience since when you act, you want to be fulfilled and free from pleasing the director or from worrying about what the audience may think of you. Actually, when you start acting in front of people, you may start wondering whether you are doing it right or not, whether you are doing what they want you to do or whether you made the right or the wrong choice. You may put a lot of effort in all these result oriented aspects that get you too much in your head.

In order to fix this issue, you may have tried a lot of acting classes, done some therapy or learnt new acting techniques out there; and realized that the problem persists since you send all your energy out there instead of bringing it back into your experience.

The root cause of the fact that you do not feel free in front of the audience is because your ego takes over, which means that you will try to look good, please others, be a good actor, be liked, etc. When this happens, your ego hijacks your system and takes over your performance so you may catch yourself trying to be an interesting actor instead of being interested in what your character wants at the moment. But your job as an actor is to be a character and defend their needs.

And the reason why your ego takes over is because since you were little, you were conditioned to “be good”, “do it right”, “look good” by some external authority so you could fit in and please others. Inevitably, when you act in front of an audience; the conditioning, the external authority and the fear of making mistakes or not being liked shows up.

Therefore, the work to do to feel free in front of an audience is to undo that ego and layer of conditioning that is on top of your freedom so that you can be your free self again progressively, even in front of the audience and under pressure.

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