In the rehearsal process, you may feel really free and get involved with your character and project. But then, when you get in front of the audience, you may not have access to that freedom anymore. That can be very disappointing and unfulfilling because you may have worked really hard and invested a lot of your time and energy in the preparation. And when your family, friends, the audience and even people from the industry come, they cannot really see what you are worth.

And you might have tried different ways to solve this situation and even wonder if there is something wrong with you. You might have tried a lot of classes, books, podcasts and tricks to be as free as in your rehearsals; and realized that none of them worked. This can be really painful for you since the whole point of being an artist is to express your unique truth through your art.

Of course, the audience does not get what they came for either. They do not get your truth and freedom at the moment. And that is what they paid for. So everybody loses.

What is really happening here is that when you rehearse, you are really interested in the experience that you are having with your character inside of the circumstances of the scene at that moment. You are not trying to be interesting. Therefore, you are in a playful zone and you allow yourself to explore without any pressure. On the contrary, when you are in front of the audience, you try to do things “right” and look “good”.

The reason why you do that is because you have been conditioned to believe that there is a “right” way for you to behave, feel, think and act so you can fit in and be validated. As a consequence of this, when you get onstage, all your conditioning comes on your shoulders, your ego takes over and it tries to control the outcome of your performance so it can be loved by the audience and please the director. But the second you try to be interesting, you manipulate the outcome and you are no longer present. If you’re no longer present, you cannot be free and authentic because you are not even there. That is why trying to influence the perspective of the audience is completely delusional because when you’re busy trying to be liked, you as an artist disappear, so you cannot impact them.

However, your job as an actor is to be present and defend your character’s needs, not your ego’s needs. As an artist, your vulnerability, grief, joy, anxiety as well as the rest of your emotions that make up your humanity are your gold. So the work to do is to deconstruct your ego, the protection mechanisms, your conditioning, and in general, everything that is taking you away from the present moment so you can fully BE your character and defend his or her needs.

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