Let's just say that she's disrespectful to you in your communication and she is just not nice and she's mean to you and disrespectful. The first step is, are you retaliating? Are you reacting back? If you are that needs to stop. Watch Paul explain how to handle a disrespectful wife.

As a man, you have this more pronounced anger reaction than she would have and it could be that what is happening is she's being reactive to your previous reactions because men tend to be angry and it's very important if you're a man to understand the power that you have as a man. You are biologically designed to be in the couple as the protector which means you have this first level of defense being anger and what happens is men don't realize that they use that on their wives, so they cause their wives to be defensive, to be reactive and to mimic their husband.

Now, they don't have the same intensity that a man has when they're disrespectful so it manifests differently instead of it coming out as anger as it would with you. It comes out in sarcasm and those sorts of disrespectful behaviors. Your first step is to examine your own behavior with your wife and if you use your anger remember, it's a complete misuse so a lot
of men because you're there to be defending her not protecting her and not using your -- think of your anger as a gun and you're the bodyguard and it's great.

You can really be protective but what if you take that gun and you turn it on her and you go, "Look, how powerful I am. How dare you question me?" Or whatever, this is not cool and
it'll cause a real problem in your marriage so that's your first step is to learn to contain your anger. Never allow it to be turned to your wife.

Let's say though that she is a sarcastic person, she's got a lot of aggressive tendencies and it's not just with you. You can ask her nicely. You could say" Honey...", occasionally, you have to be very careful about how you present this because you don't want to create a confrontation. "Honey, it really kind of bothers me when you are aggressive with me when you act disrespectfully towards me." And see what happens and if she's defensive which is likely then your response will be, "You know what, I just wanted to bring it up because it doesn't feel good. It's not loving and I am starting to read Breaking the Cycle by Paul Friedman and I'm realizing that our marriage could be better and I want to do my part."

You want to come in very smoothly. The slightest defense back off because otherwise, you're just going to have this cycle of back and forth the negativity and that's not what you
want. You got married to be happy. You didn't get married to fight. You didn't get married to win. You didn't get married to lose. You got married to be happy so you want to learn all the ways that you can that will make you happy so that you bring that happiness into the
marriage so that your wife is happy too. So, there's also other kinds of disrespect.

There's the disrespect that is shown oftentimes what will happen is a wife, when she's with her family, will be disrespectful to her husband sort of choosing sides that's one way. Another way is maybe she's disrespectful by telling the children you're not a good provider or you're an idiot or whatever sometimes a marriage has gone so far that that's happening and if that's happening you need to take a look at healing the marriage, getting right to the dynamics and in that case, reading one of my books is a good idea.

A better idea might be depending on how far your marriage has slipped you might want to take the course for men and learn how to really reinstitute positive dynamics into your
marriage so those are some instances of disrespect. Another instance of disrespect is when a wife is not respectful of her husband's value to the home where he's maybe working two jobs and she's spending money on unnecessary things and in those cases really the first step, the first step is to get the marriage back on track so you can have these kinds of discussions where it doesn't turn into an eruption where you don't have a fight -- never fight.

You know a lot of people come to us and they go you know we fight about as much as
everyone else and I go, "Well, everyone else is wrong." In a marriage, there should never be fighting. Look, I was a divorce mediator so I know how about fighting. One of my biggest obstacles, which I was really good at was learning how to get people to stop fighting and it's sort of like you have free will, don't you? And so, you can choose whether you're going to
enter into a fight that maybe your spouse is beginning or choose not to.

Watch the video for more.

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