This week on Ask Kati Anything, licensed therapist Kati Morton discusses the line between normal sibling relationships and emotional abuse, shutting down in therapy, and how to know if we are oversharing. She explains how mental illnesses can sometimes follow patterns in their symptomatology, why we can struggle with self care, and our urge to diffuse situations with laughter.

Episode 206 questions & timestamps:
1.
Where is the line between normal sibling relationships and emotional abuse? My therapist seems to think my sister is emotionally abusive, but aren’t all siblings aholes to each other? 00:36

2.
My question is about shutting down in therapy and being unable to talk during a therapy session. Recently I have been looking for a new therapist, but I haven't been able to find someone that I'm comfortable with. The problem is that in the first 1-2 sessions I shut down and feel unable to talk. Different therapists handle this differently, but for the most part they just let me sit there. I have spent entire sessions in shut down mode and we just sit there doing nothing. This seems to perpetuate the idea that talking is unsafe and obviously tells my body that being in this environment is unsafe. I am scared to continue searching for a new therapist because I don't want to be triggered again and shut down. How would you handle a client that shuts down in session, especially one that is newer to you? How can I begin to feel safe in a new therapeutic relationship if I shut down almost immediately upon seeing a new therapist?" 05:41

3.
I'm wondering if you can talk a bit about "oversharing". I feel like it's a relatively-new term to me, and I'm wondering how to tell if someone is doing it. Is it OK to have some people we tell literally EVERYTHING to, even when it's TMI? Or are there some things that should always be private? In cases where we've decided someone is sharing too much with us, and we feel uncomfortable, how do we communicate this? Can you share some tips on setting a boundary without being mean? For example, it seems rude to tell someone to stop talking, or walk away...but I often find myself getting trapped in conversations I don't want to be a part of and getting dumped on, and don't know how to stop it without feeling like a jerk lol Thanks so much, I love your podcast! (COMMENT: Along the same lines of oversharing but branching off a bit. How do you manage oversharing with your therapist? My therapist has stressed that some people need to tell her every little detail, and some people don't want or need to. I can't visualize things, so I find telling them every little detail helps. But I feel like it comes across as asking for attention and as a pity party, which I'm not trying to make it come across as.) 15:03

4. Why is it the case that mental illnesses "follow patterns"? In the sense that they can be categorized into illnesses. Like why is it "natural" to get addicted or get an ED when something is missing in life. Why are these patterns natural consequences that happen for so many people even if one does not know of the existence of these illnesses?" 25:19

5. My question is why do I have trouble engaging in self care and having a hard time finding coping skills that work for me? I have things that I have enjoyed doing in the past but just can't seem to do any of them. Can I count tv watching and internet scrolling self care? I know I need some coping skills if I want to deal with childhood trauma (not sure I want to go there). Can coping skills also be self care and vice versa? 30:50

6.
I'm an awkward laugher. My way of diffusing situations used to be to make them lighthearted- that was literally my role. It's so ingrained into me now, that it's just instinctively what I go to, even when it's really not appropriate. I feel like I've also used it so much in every part of my life, that I don't really feel anything. Everything is just... a big joke? I feel like I physically can't even stop it now. I don't even know where to begin in correcting this, or if it's even fixable now so any tips would be appreciated! (Pseudobulbar Affect // not okay to be sad or mad growing up?) 36:18

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